retrieval

my retrieval was this morning. i was so nervous, even though i knew what to expect. last time, my insides hurt so much i couldn't pee after i woke up for over an hour. this time i didn't hurt nearly as bad and i was able to go right away. i slept the day away and i'm just waking up.

they got 21 eggs!!

my clinic doesn't do a "fert report", so i have to wait until wednesday afternoon to find out how things are going. they will tentatively schedule my transfer for 12/24, but if things still look good that morning, they will bump me to a day 5 transfer on 12/26.

updates

so here are a few updates.

on friday, i had 14 follicles between 15-20mm. that night i decreased my dose to 150 of gonal.f

on saturday, i had 21 follicles 15-23mm. i triggered sat night and my retrieval is tomorrow morning.

i am feeling quite bloated and kind of crappy. although i'm looking forward to moving on with this cycle, i am feeling very anxious about tomorrow. at least i know what to expect this time, but last time i hurt so much i couldn't pee for over an hour and i was VERY uncomfortable and miserable for 3 days. i can't stop thinking about huge needles piercing my vaginal wall. ouch.

the good part is, my transfer will be either xmas eve or the day after xmas. hopefully we will get our christmas miracle :)

merry christmas everyone! and best wishes for a great new year full of blessings and joy.

follie check

I had my first follicle check today.

Right side has 5 follies, the largest is 14mm
Left side has 8 follies, the largest is 15mm.

I've been on 187.5 of Gon.al-F since the 11th, which is less than I was on for my first IVF as they think I may have overstimmed the first round which resulted in less than stellar egg quality. I will find out this afternoon more about how I will proceed. I am guessing my retrieval will be some time next week, hopefully before xmas enough so that I won't be bloated and in pain for the holiday.

I've realized that I am finally okay with my 2 best friends being pregnant. I went to one friend's house a few weekends ago and helped her pack her hospital bag, set up the bassinet and pack n play and make a list of what she still needs. Last weekend was the shower for the other friend. Although I am comfortable with them being pregnant, I fear that I will have a harder time once the babies are actually here, (which is going to be very soon!) Hopefully I will be getting my own good news around the same time which will help me enjoy their new babies with them...

this round has to work, right? third time's a charm, christmas miracle and all that?
right?

99th post!

For my 99th post, i thought i'd bring you a little entertainment.

here we go again

i've been on lu.pron since last friday and so far it has been all good.

my suppression check is on tuesday, and from there i will get my day 1 for stims.

i am so crazy busy this time of year. i think this year in particular, i have been taking on more than usual. maybe it's some way of trying to keep my mind busy with other things and off of infertility, who knows. i am taking a sewing class with a few girlfriends, which has been fun. i sew, they are just starting, but we are each doing projects at our own level. i am learning some new techniques i haven't done before (like gathering and using a serger) i also decided to do a mostly homemade xmas, so i have been creating, sewing and knitting like crazy.

on top of all of that, i volunteer for a local organization that provides xmas for families in need. this takes up a few hours every evening. and mr. and i are still getting the house back together after being under construction since august. it has to be done before xmas, since my MIL comes to visit for a week!

i think it's good for me to be busy. it's allowing me to not have time to be sad about where i am right now, particularly as 2 of my best friends are due around the holidays. i am going through the motions of this cycle, although i've been good about eating healthy and exercising (but i'll have to stop exercising when i start stims). sometimes i wonder if it's a good thing that i'm not over thinking this cycle, or if i'm not putting enough energy into it. who knows...

i am really hoping i have many eggs, like last time. they lowered my dose slightly as they think i may have overstimmed a little last time. many of our embies didn't make it past 48 hours, but it was okay because we started out with so many (21 i think?) i am hoping i have about that many this time. for those of you who have gone through more than 1 IVF cycle, did you respond in about the same way each time?

friday

i had my post-op appointment today. i start lu.pron on FRIDAY!! woo hoo!

background in babies

i am a baby person. i am good with babies. i am knowledgeable about babies. people who have babies come to me with questions and for advice, even though i don't have any babies of my own yet. i have a degree in early child.hood edu.cation and i was an infant teacher in a daycare center. then i was a nanny for infant twins (until they were 2). i also am an infant massage instructor and used to hold "baby" classes to teach parents massage as well as discuss other baby related topics.

over the last year, i have slowly moved away from all things baby. i stopped holding babies, stopped teaching baby classes, etc. it just got to the point that holding and smelling and snuggling babies hurt. this past weekend, mr and i had to watch my friend's 5 month old over night. (she and her whole fam were at a wedding and wouldn't trust anyone else, so they got us a room there too to have us watch the baby)

it made me remember how much i love to be with babies. i loved watching him sleep and listening to his little grunts as i fed him, i loved the weight of him in my arms and the smiles and snuggles he gave out freely. i don't think mr had ever spent that much time with a baby, and certainly never had to get up with one over night. i think it surprised him how natural it was for me to take care of an infant and he's been extra nice and loving to me since.

this IF journey has sucked. i've dealt with dildo cams and injections and blood draws and IV's and retreival surgery and no alcohol and and met.formin and heartache and O.P.P (other people's pregnancies) on many occasions. but i'm doing it because i want a baby. i want to be sleep deprived and thrown up on. i want a little one to depend on me to keep them safe and fed and changed and happy.

and it will all be worth it.