friday

i had my post-op appointment today. i start lu.pron on FRIDAY!! woo hoo!

background in babies

i am a baby person. i am good with babies. i am knowledgeable about babies. people who have babies come to me with questions and for advice, even though i don't have any babies of my own yet. i have a degree in early child.hood edu.cation and i was an infant teacher in a daycare center. then i was a nanny for infant twins (until they were 2). i also am an infant massage instructor and used to hold "baby" classes to teach parents massage as well as discuss other baby related topics.

over the last year, i have slowly moved away from all things baby. i stopped holding babies, stopped teaching baby classes, etc. it just got to the point that holding and smelling and snuggling babies hurt. this past weekend, mr and i had to watch my friend's 5 month old over night. (she and her whole fam were at a wedding and wouldn't trust anyone else, so they got us a room there too to have us watch the baby)

it made me remember how much i love to be with babies. i loved watching him sleep and listening to his little grunts as i fed him, i loved the weight of him in my arms and the smiles and snuggles he gave out freely. i don't think mr had ever spent that much time with a baby, and certainly never had to get up with one over night. i think it surprised him how natural it was for me to take care of an infant and he's been extra nice and loving to me since.

this IF journey has sucked. i've dealt with dildo cams and injections and blood draws and IV's and retreival surgery and no alcohol and and met.formin and heartache and O.P.P (other people's pregnancies) on many occasions. but i'm doing it because i want a baby. i want to be sleep deprived and thrown up on. i want a little one to depend on me to keep them safe and fed and changed and happy.

and it will all be worth it.

update

i have been such a bad blogger lately. sorry about that. as i've mentioned before, we have been under construction, but my computer is back in it's comfortable spot near the couch :) and the rest of the house is slowly getting back in order too. phew! i am so excited to have our newly improved and newly organized house complete for the holidays. mr and i bought a new sofa for each other for xmas, so we are eagerly awaiting it's arrival.

so, November 11th was my Day 1. I had Day 3 labs done on Friday the 13th (and began BCP's) and i have my sonohystogram scheduled for Thursday afternoon. Once that is complete, the doc will apply to my insurance for approval for this next round of IVF. i am not anticipating an issue with that. i'll get my calendar in the next few weeks i am assuming and it's looking like my retrieval and transfer will be sometime mid to late December. i am trying to stay positive about this cycle, mostly because i can't bear to think through the what ifs if it doesn't work....

provera

on day 35, i finally called the doc to get some provera. i was starting to worry that if we didn't get this thing started, it would end up ruining our vacation at the beginning of january anyway after all the persuasion i had to use to get him to let me start. when i called, i spoke with a nurse i hadn't dealt with before. she was all,"oh, you have to wait 3 months, you can't have provera" i was like, "listen lady, it's already been approved. i have my BCP and my lab orders, give me the damn provera" after she spoke with the RE, she did indeed call in the provera. today is day 5 on that. which means, AF should arrive sometime towards the end of next week i think. i usually take a week or more to get it after provera.

so, just waiting for AF. then i need my day 3 labs and a sonohystogram. i'm starting to get a little nervous. i feel like i don't quite remember what i went through the first time. was it harder than i'm remembering? were my side effects worse than i remember? the only thing i do seem to remember is the pain and bloat after my retrieval, so this time i'll take 2 days off afterwards. and i seem to remember when it all ended, it was like emerging from a hormone fog. i am hoping that it will all come back to me, and having done it all once before will help me take it day by day and not get too stressed. and i am trying to keep up the hope.