Wednesday, August 26, 2009

julie and julia

i went on a lady date with a girlfriend of mine last night.  we went out for dinner and then to see the movie "Julie & Julia".  i think we were the only people there that weren't nana's, but it was fun.  i do recommend the movie for you chick flick lovers.

anyway, there was one spot in the movie that really "got" me.  i found my eyes burning with the yearning to cry, while my chest felt tight.  i could relate SO much. here it is.  it was such a small part, i don't think it will ruin it if you are planning on seeing it...
there is a point in the movie when Julia Child gets a letter from her sister in the mail announcing her pregnancy.  she tells her husband, "oh, she's pregnant!" and immediately her husband comes to her side and puts his arm around her.  through her crying, Julia tries to say,"i'm happy for her", while her husband hushes and soothes her with a quiet, "i know."

i have been right there.  i have tried to be happy for my friends for their news, while mr. gently soothed me and held me and fully understood how crushed i was feeling.  it hurts.  it makes me feel like i am alone on an island with mr. and we have to watch people across the water eat and laugh and play and we just have to sit there alone, together.  i hope i don't have to feel this too much longer.  i don't know if i can bear it.        please oh please let this work.

Monday, August 24, 2009

prepared for take off

i just got the call.
my lining check and bloodwork results are good.  i have the go ahead to start progesterone shots tomorrow night (woo hoo) and my transfer will be on monday :)

it's been so long since i've done a shot at home....i am NOT looking forward to getting used to that again!

Thursday, August 20, 2009


i need this to work
i NEED this to work
i need THIS to work
i need this to WORK!

i feel like everyone around me is pregnant.  seriously.  two more pregnancy announcements over the weekend, and i spent the weekend with prego friend #1 and prego friend #2, who are due 2 weeks apart.  as you can imagine, there was lots of pregnancy and baby talk. ugh.

i'm feeling good and positive about this cycle, but mostly because i can't bear to think about what comes next if it doesn't work

 i honestly don't know how some of you keep on going after so much heartache and procedures and surgeries and side effects and time and money much.  well, part of me does know, you keep going because you can't stop until you reach your goal of a healthy baby.

i know this FET might not work.  the numbers are not in our favor.  (FET at my clinic has about a 33% success rate) but i NEED it to work.  i'm getting ready to start a new school year, which means the next few months will be stressful and hectic as it is, while the new kids and i adjust to one another.  i can't possibly keep my business going if i have to start late and miss days for a fresh cycle.  the new families won't understand, and may leave, and enrollment is down as it is, so i really can't afford to let that happen.  because of the regulations, i can't hire a fill in person either, (although i guess i may have to see what i can do there if i have to)

i need this to work.  i'm afraid of where i will go if it doesn't. 

please oh please tell me you know SOMEONE who's had a BFP from an FET....pretty please?

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

and so it begins...

aunt flo FINALLY arrived on Sunday.  i was so excited, when i wiped and realized this in the wee hours of the morning, i actually said, "yesss!" in a quiet way to myself.  i'm a dork.

i called the nurse first thing monday morning to let them know.  they call back later in the afternoon to let you know what your "Day 1" is going to be. they determine your day 1 based on the other patients' schedules.  since we are doing a FET, they give us one embryologist just for our embies that day, so they have to make sure there aren't too many other transfers that day.

they gave me my Day 1 as Tuesday, August 11th.  of course that means i was supposed to go in for blood on Day 5, Saturday.  we are going to Long Island for a wedding on friday morning. when i called to get the details on what lab was open on saturday i explained to the nurse that i had to rearrange ferry and hotel reservations and shorten my vacation.  she pled my case to the doc and he said he would do the labs on friday before i leave.  yay!  of course i was willing to do what i had to do, but it was so nice that they were so accommodating.  now mr and i can enjoy our long weekend away, instead of being annoyed at driving so far for 1 day.  

so, i began the estrace tablets  (1mg twice a day) on sunday and will continue that through day 5.  on day 6, i increase to 2 mg twice a day.  it changes more from there, but i don't have my calendar in front of me.  my estimated transfer date is August 31st :)

Thursday, August 6, 2009

still here

hello out there
i'm still here
just waiting and waiting for aunt flo to appear

i'm really hoping it all works out timing wise to not interfere with a planned trip to long island for a wedding next weekend.... i have to go in for bloodwork on day 5 and day 9.  if she comes today, it will cut this weekend's plans short (i was supposed to be away through monday) but will allow me to give blood on my way out of town on friday.  if she does not arrive today, i really need her to hold off so i can enjoy my weekend away and not miss my friend's wedding.