enjoying this moment

it dawned on me the other day that this may be the only pregnancy i'll ever have. i'm trying to enjoy it, and savor it. i'm tired and gaggy and i keep getting the cold all the kids have, but i'm not complaining. to be honest, i'm loving it.

i'm still in awe. my belly continues to expand and it's getting hard. i find my hand rubbing it constantly (something that used to make me cringe if i saw that so i try really hard to not do it in public) i have felt little twinges and rolls that i was convinced couldn't be the babies until i saw them on u/s yesterday and the one on the left (where i've been feeling those things) was kicking and rolling and dancing away. the doc agreed that that is probably what i've been feeling :)

for now, all the heartache and anger and pain of IF are in the past. i am so happy for what i finally have. i know my long struggle to get here helps me appreciate this pregnancy even more. now that i look pregnant, i feel special. i am grateful to my body for growing and protecting these precious little babies.

last night at prenatal yoga there was a woman there who is a gestational carrier for one of her friends. we talked about PIO shots and crin.one suppositories (she's on both) and i teared up telling her how much i admired what she was doing for a friend.

my struggle won't ever not be a part of who i am and where i've come from. but i'm so thankful and happy that it's not a part of my everyday. for those of you still struggling (who have probably long since stopped reading my blog, and that's okay) i really hope your painful journey ends joyfully. keep fighting the fight, it will all be worth it.

13w4d

wow! almost 14 weeks, i can't believe it.

the whole world now knows about the beautiful babies growing in my ever expanding belly. it's wonderful to share the news. although we have had our share of,"do twins run in your family?!" and,"did you take fertility drugs?" i am amazed that people can't just say, "congratulations, that is wonderful!" we are not secretive about our IVF with family and friends, but in some venues, you just don't want to get into it, or you are not close at all with the person asking.

oh, and about that belly, it is getting B-I-G! i look like a full on prego, and i've got the maternity jeans to prove it! i can't believe how fast it is growing, especially considering i lost 15 pounds originally and have only gained a few back. i would guess i look at least 20 weeks pregnant, maybe more. i was able to find a prenatal yoga class that i've been going to once a week. it's nice to do something since i've been told not to do "anything that will swing a ponytail". i have also been getting some sciatic pains down my butt and leg and the yoga has some good stretches to help it.

that's about all. my next OB appointment isn't until the 24th and the MFM on April 16th when we will find out the genders!! seems like a long way a way, but at least this belly is reassuring me that everyone is still growing in there. it's my birthday this weekend so mr.m is taking me into the big city for a show and dinner :)

mmmm...dinner....

12w2d

i made it to 12 weeks!!

we had an u/s this morning and the babies look great. it was so nice to see an u/s where they now look like real babies instead of the blurry blobs we are used to. they were rolling and kicking and waving and everything. the tech was trying to get the NT measurements (for down's syndrome testing) and had a little trouble with one of them, so we blissfully watched them on the screen for about a half hour.

we got great pictures of their profiles and are feeling a big sigh of relief. the MFM nurse (who we just met today) could tell we were nervous and when we were leaving she said,"i want to see big smiles, you don't have to worry anymore, you have two healthy babies!" i don't think the worry will ever end, but i do feel much better now that we've made it so far.

we are letting the cat out of the bag and telling the world our great news. it feels a little scary, but great all at the same time :)