Thursday, March 25, 2010

enjoying this moment

it dawned on me the other day that this may be the only pregnancy i'll ever have. i'm trying to enjoy it, and savor it. i'm tired and gaggy and i keep getting the cold all the kids have, but i'm not complaining. to be honest, i'm loving it.

i'm still in awe. my belly continues to expand and it's getting hard. i find my hand rubbing it constantly (something that used to make me cringe if i saw that so i try really hard to not do it in public) i have felt little twinges and rolls that i was convinced couldn't be the babies until i saw them on u/s yesterday and the one on the left (where i've been feeling those things) was kicking and rolling and dancing away. the doc agreed that that is probably what i've been feeling :)

for now, all the heartache and anger and pain of IF are in the past. i am so happy for what i finally have. i know my long struggle to get here helps me appreciate this pregnancy even more. now that i look pregnant, i feel special. i am grateful to my body for growing and protecting these precious little babies.

last night at prenatal yoga there was a woman there who is a gestational carrier for one of her friends. we talked about PIO shots and suppositories (she's on both) and i teared up telling her how much i admired what she was doing for a friend.

my struggle won't ever not be a part of who i am and where i've come from. but i'm so thankful and happy that it's not a part of my everyday. for those of you still struggling (who have probably long since stopped reading my blog, and that's okay) i really hope your painful journey ends joyfully. keep fighting the fight, it will all be worth it.


Jezzafuji said...

Enjoy every single second. J made it very clear that our twins were going to be her only pregnancy, a message reinforced to me over the last 13 months on a number of occasions whenever we see newborns!

You're right about wanting to put the chapter or IVF behind you and to look forward, but equally it's true that it still remains very much part of you. In her book 'So Close', Tertia Albertyn, once she finally gets the children she's struggled to achieve, calls herself a 'recovering infertile' and I think that's pretty perceptive. You don't stop understanding and empathising with everyone who's gone or is still going through treatment (indeed, it's in the hope of helping that I started blogging, reading and commenting on a few TTC blogs), but you definitely come from a different angle now.

It's nice to hear from you again - I'd been checking back to see how you were getting on and was worried that you'd forgotten us all... :)

Glad to hear everything's going well. Are you planning to hold out for a natural birth, or are you planning a c-section? J opted for an elective (which she probably would have had to have anyway as Ollie was breech), but it's a long recovery and with two it's even more difficult. You'll need a devoted DH who's happy to help with the night feeds... ;)

Keep us posted with posts,


Kim said...

I have been dormant for several months to my blog and came back to see several people I follow have become pregnant. Your blog, however, is one of the only ones I truly feel comfortable continuing to follow. You continually reinforce the fact that this journey has shaped who you are and that it will always be a part of you... to the point you think about it in public and are concerned about how others might think!

I appreciate your insight and have enjoyed following your pregnancy so far. Thank you for being so thankful and joyous... and yet so sensitive to other.

mybumpyjourney said...

I am so happy for you girl!!! It is good to hear from you and to know that you are in a GREAT place. :) {{{HUGS}} You definitely deserve it. <3

Beautiful Mess said...

Oh what a sweet post! I'm happy for you, I truly am! I wish you an amazing pregnancy and a wonderful future with your babies.