over the last year, i have slowly moved away from all things baby. i stopped holding babies, stopped teaching baby classes, etc. it just got to the point that holding and smelling and snuggling babies hurt. this past weekend, mr and i had to watch my friend's 5 month old over night. (she and her whole fam were at a wedding and wouldn't trust anyone else, so they got us a room there too to have us watch the baby)
it made me remember how much i love to be with babies. i loved watching him sleep and listening to his little grunts as i fed him, i loved the weight of him in my arms and the smiles and snuggles he gave out freely. i don't think mr had ever spent that much time with a baby, and certainly never had to get up with one over night. i think it surprised him how natural it was for me to take care of an infant and he's been extra nice and loving to me since.
this IF journey has sucked. i've dealt with dildo cams and injections and blood draws and IV's and retreival surgery and no alcohol and and met.formin and heartache and O.P.P (other people's pregnancies) on many occasions. but i'm doing it because i want a baby. i want to be sleep deprived and thrown up on. i want a little one to depend on me to keep them safe and fed and changed and happy.
and it will all be worth it.
5 comments:
I want all that for you too - and for all of us. And, I'm clinging to the belief that one day it will all be worth it.
A great post! We can all use a little reminder of what we're fighting for sometimes! Thinking of you...
Amen, sister.
Great post! Thanks for the reminding.
I just got a little teary eyed. I have done the same thing over the last year. (Although I was not a heavily involved with babies.) But I love them. I want to be around them. I want to snuggle them. How can something we love so much also cause so much pain...
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