just a little bit more

this morning i woke up while it was still dark out, only to find it was freaking SNOWING!!.  It was 60 degrees yesterday, and today i had to drive in the dark and in the snow to get the dildo cam up my hoo ha once again.

one beautiful 17.5 follie, back again tomorrow....

follicle check

one growing follicle....15mm

another check monday.

i talked to the acupuncturist willing to take over for the IUI's.  she is very sweet. she just moved back to the area and is still rebuilding her client base, so she is totally flexible.  yay!

she told me to stay calm (check) and stay positive (check)

putting it out there

lately i have been feeling unusually optimistic. 

 maybe it's the promise of spring in the air, or my upcoming birthday excitement, i don't know. 

often i reign in my positive and hopeful feelings, trying to protect myself from the possible fall. 

you know, the higher you are, the harder you fall kind of thing.

but lately, i really can imagine a tiny little baby growing inside of me.  i can picture it sleeping next to my bed, 

nursing it, 

tiny fingers,

tiny sounds. 

i am sending my positive baby vibes out into the universe, letting it know that 

i AM ready. 

maybe i haven't been on this rollercoaster long enough to be bitter and broken, 

maybe my hope will be shattered again in the end, 

but today, i'm putting it out there.  

just like oprah says to do...

i'm visualizing, hoping, 

surrounding myself in positive energy

and waiting for that baby to be mine.

thanks

thanks to all of you who have been reading and commenting.  it is so nice to see that my counter at the bottom is no longer just adding up the times i visit my own blog.  i was feeling a little lonely here in blog-land, and now i feel happy that others are sharing my journey with me.

so thanks, comments really are like blog hugs :p

acupuncture

a few people i know In Real Life that have gone through infertility highly recommended i do acupuncture.  one woman had 5 failed IUI's and 3 failed IVF cycles.  with her 4th IVF, she coupled it with acupuncture and now has a healthy baby girl. i figured it was worth a shot.

i have been going to acupuncture once a week since december, when i began fertility testing.  it costs $60 per 1 hour session.  mr.m and i decided that since it was (hopefully) short term, it was worth finding the extra money in our budget.  i love it!  sometimes the needles pinch a tiny little bit, just for a second, but then i can almost feel the energy waving through me.  it is very relaxing and i almost feel a little stoned at the end.  my acupuncturist, Jeanne is great.  she is quiet and calm in a wise sort of way.  she is very accommodating and was willing to fit me in before and after each IUI, no matter what day of the week they fell on.  

she is going on vacation on sunday and will be gone next week, just when i need her the most.  i am sad and disappointed.  she is calling another acupuncturist in the area to see if they can work with me for my IUI's, which is very kind of her.  i feel like after the relationship i've developed with her, it will be a little weird to go to someone for the first time before and after my IUI's.  i also can't imagine they will be as flexible with their schedule as she is.  we will see....

follicle check

today i had my follicle check.  i had one 11mm, one 10mm and many under 10mm.  i will go in again on saturday to get them measured again.  grow follies...grow!

that smile

last night...i saw it 

that smile.  

the one with a hint of hope

and the excitement of adventure.

as we lay in bed planning out when to abstain, when the IUI's may be.  he looked right at me with that smile.  

and i felt it.

i don't want to get too excited, still cautious about the possibility of heartache.

but, it sure feels good to see that smile