Friday, September 25, 2009

ectopic and mtx

it's official. it is an ectopic in my left tube. i followed that news up with 2 shots of methotrexate (finally learned how to spell that one) in the ass.

it sucks. if i think too much about it, i get sad, but i'm doing a little better. to be honest, if we were going to lose the pregnancy, there is some relief of losing it so early. i was already attached, but i'm sure the longer someone was growing inside of me, the more heartbreaking this would have been.

so now we wait. bloodwork on monday and thursday next week to check that my hcg levels are dropping appropriately. they will tell me on thursday if i'll need another shot of mtx as well.

i hope everything goes as it should. it seems my body is already dropping the hcg level on it's own, so at least it's doing something right. the doctor wants me to wait 2 months before starting another cycle. i am hoping i am able to squeeze one in before the end of the year.

i think the waiting in between cycles is the hardest part. i'm frustrated that in the 11 months we've been working with the RE, we have only had 3 chances. at least if you are cycling, you are doing something that may finally help you reach your goal. it feels constructive. jumping right in and trying again seems like the easiest way for my heart to heal, but i realize it's my body that may need more time.

please body, do what you are supposed to do.

13 comments:

NoodleGirl said...

I've tried to console myself in the past that early losses are better than later, but no matter how you try to look at it, it sucks. You had all the hopes and dreams, even for a short time, and now you need to not only go in the other direction emotionally but somehow to be proactive enough coordinate the next steps with the RE.

I'm so sorry and sending you quick recovery vibes. The least our bodies can do is behave and help us move on quickly, at least physically.

I hope you can do something nice for yourself this weekend.

The Unproductive One said...

Oh I'm so sorry. I understand what you say about relief about losing early but it still hurts like a complete bitch.

I hope your body does what you need it to do....

xxxx

twoweekwaiting said...

I'm so so so sorry. There are no words that make this okay. Thinking of you.

Mo and Will said...

I am so so sorry you're going through this. It completely stinks.

Mo

Aunt Becky said...

I'm so, so sorry to hear this. What terrible news. Sending you love and light.

Simple said...

I can only imagine what you are going through - it just simply does not make any sense that we have to deal with infertility then an ectopic. NO FAIR!!!

Beautiful Mess said...

I'm sorry, love. I'm hoping your body continues to do what it's suppose to.

Sending you lots of lvoe and holding your hand.
*HUGS*

Busted Tube said...

I'm sorry that you're having to go through this :-(

Wishing 4 One said...

it does suck. bad. but you will be cycling again soon as you said and what a great thing that can be. weishing the best for you in your next cycle and know that it will ok.

i had an ectopic at 6 weeks, i didnt even know i pregnant. AND it was my first time ever to be pregnant!

7 embryo transfers later I am still waiting...

sending you baby dust from cairo and know you are in my thouhgts and prayers girl.

myemptynest said...

Shit. I'm so sorry. It so shitty to have to go through infertility and think you're finally there and then go through this. Life is so unfair. Like my nurse said, a BFP is only a start and just the beginning of another whole set of hurdles. On the positive side, at least you know you can get pregnant, even though this one wasn't meant to be. That's what I'm telling myself as well. Keep your chin up. I'm thinking of you.

nancy said...

I'm so very sorry hun. I hope your body ~does~ do what it has to do this time so you won't have to go through any more devestation from this cycle than you have already endured. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

babyinterrupted said...

I'm so sorry. I remember how emotional I got about the mtx shot - even though I knew it was the only option, and that the pregnancy was not only non-viable, but could be very dangerous. It still felt so surreal to be 'ending' a pregnancy I'd hoped such a long time for.

Peace to you. Thinking of you often.

Missy said...

I'm so sorry for this loss. It may be early, but it doesn't take long to get attached.