it sucks. if i think too much about it, i get sad, but i'm doing a little better. to be honest, if we were going to lose the pregnancy, there is some relief of losing it so early. i was already attached, but i'm sure the longer someone was growing inside of me, the more heartbreaking this would have been.
so now we wait. bloodwork on monday and thursday next week to check that my hcg levels are dropping appropriately. they will tell me on thursday if i'll need another shot of mtx as well.
i hope everything goes as it should. it seems my body is already dropping the hcg level on it's own, so at least it's doing something right. the doctor wants me to wait 2 months before starting another cycle. i am hoping i am able to squeeze one in before the end of the year.
i think the waiting in between cycles is the hardest part. i'm frustrated that in the 11 months we've been working with the RE, we have only had 3 chances. at least if you are cycling, you are doing something that may finally help you reach your goal. it feels constructive. jumping right in and trying again seems like the easiest way for my heart to heal, but i realize it's my body that may need more time.
please body, do what you are supposed to do.