it should have been me

i've been feeling a little extra down about my infertility lately. and yet another pregnancy announcement kicked me even further down. now, i truly am happy for this person. she tried for a year with some clomid thrown at her a few times from her ob and finally got a referral for an RE. she just got pregnant on her first IUI. i'm happy she didn't have to go further down the IF path, but seriously, first IUI, it does sting a bit. or maybe i'm just a selfish brat.

anyway, the thing that bothers me the most is her due date. let me fill you in on a little crazy thing that makes me feel well, crazy, and jealous and weirded out a bit.

if my first treatment cycle had worked, (an IUI) my due date would have been Dec 24th

my best friend is due on Dec 24th

if my first IVF cycle had worked, my due date would have been Mar 3rd

my across the street neighbor is due Mar 3rd

if this last cycle had not been lost because it was ectopic, i would have been due May 18th

the latest announcement girl (a friend) is due May 18th

are you effing kidding me?!? it's like a taunt, at what i don't have.

i would have been 12 weeks around now. mr. and i had talked about showing up at our friends' Halloween party and i would just go in barefoot and when people asked me what i was, i would say, "barefoot and pregnant".

instead, i will most likely be drinking away my misery. so, to all of you who are frustrated, jealous, angry, broken, sad, pissed off, and still not fucking pregnant-cheers! i'm drinking to you