Friday, October 30, 2009

it should have been me

i've been feeling a little extra down about my infertility lately. and yet another pregnancy announcement kicked me even further down. now, i truly am happy for this person. she tried for a year with some clomid thrown at her a few times from her ob and finally got a referral for an RE. she just got pregnant on her first IUI. i'm happy she didn't have to go further down the IF path, but seriously, first IUI, it does sting a bit. or maybe i'm just a selfish brat.

anyway, the thing that bothers me the most is her due date. let me fill you in on a little crazy thing that makes me feel well, crazy, and jealous and weirded out a bit.

if my first treatment cycle had worked, (an IUI) my due date would have been Dec 24th
my best friend is due on Dec 24th

if my first IVF cycle had worked, my due date would have been Mar 3rd
my across the street neighbor is due Mar 3rd

if this last cycle had not been lost because it was ectopic, i would have been due May 18th
the latest announcement girl (a friend) is due May 18th

are you effing kidding me?!? it's like a taunt, at what i don't have.

i would have been 12 weeks around now. mr. and i had talked about showing up at our friends' Halloween party and i would just go in barefoot and when people asked me what i was, i would say, "barefoot and pregnant".

instead, i will most likely be drinking away my misery. so, to all of you who are frustrated, jealous, angry, broken, sad, pissed off, and still not fucking pregnant-cheers! i'm drinking to you


Courtney said...

I am in the same angry boat!! CHEERS to drowning our anger!

Fertility Chick said...

IF is so hard and it just plain sucks.

I'm sorry that it's been a rough time.

Thinking about you - and definitely have a drink for me (damn Metformin for making me abstain). Believe me, I need one something fierce.

Hang in there. Thinking about you!

ASP said...


Michelle said...

I'm with you, this shit is terrible. Please have a few drinks for me as I'm in Metformin hell too.

Mo and Will said...

please raise a glass on our behalf as well. Because every word you write fits us to a T. I'm sorry this is so so hard.


irrationalexuberance said...

"Crazy and jealous and weirded out?" Yep -- I am right with you. I'm so sorry that this sucks so much, and please have a drink for me -- I fully believe in self medicating, but I foolishly cut out the booze during this IVF cycle.

JB said...


One Who Understands said...

Um, I think I would be a little pissy too! Cheers to you my friend!!

Simple said...

AMEN ... get sh*t faced drunk .. I'll be right there with you!!!

Hillary said...

Wow, those are some horrible coincidences....I'm sorry! :(

Just me said...

I know the feeling. My best friend is due two weeks after I would have been. She just found out she's having a boy. Happy for her. Shitty shitty shitty for me. *sigh*


Beautiful Mess said...

The whole situation sucks, SO much! I'm sorry, hon.

Drink up tonight. For yourself and all the rest of the ones who are being treated unfairly. IF is a bitch!