follie check

I had my first follicle check today.

Right side has 5 follies, the largest is 14mm
Left side has 8 follies, the largest is 15mm.

I've been on 187.5 of Gon.al-F since the 11th, which is less than I was on for my first IVF as they think I may have overstimmed the first round which resulted in less than stellar egg quality. I will find out this afternoon more about how I will proceed. I am guessing my retrieval will be some time next week, hopefully before xmas enough so that I won't be bloated and in pain for the holiday.

I've realized that I am finally okay with my 2 best friends being pregnant. I went to one friend's house a few weekends ago and helped her pack her hospital bag, set up the bassinet and pack n play and make a list of what she still needs. Last weekend was the shower for the other friend. Although I am comfortable with them being pregnant, I fear that I will have a harder time once the babies are actually here, (which is going to be very soon!) Hopefully I will be getting my own good news around the same time which will help me enjoy their new babies with them...

this round has to work, right? third time's a charm, christmas miracle and all that?
right?

99th post!

For my 99th post, i thought i'd bring you a little entertainment.

here we go again

i've been on lu.pron since last friday and so far it has been all good.

my suppression check is on tuesday, and from there i will get my day 1 for stims.

i am so crazy busy this time of year. i think this year in particular, i have been taking on more than usual. maybe it's some way of trying to keep my mind busy with other things and off of infertility, who knows. i am taking a sewing class with a few girlfriends, which has been fun. i sew, they are just starting, but we are each doing projects at our own level. i am learning some new techniques i haven't done before (like gathering and using a serger) i also decided to do a mostly homemade xmas, so i have been creating, sewing and knitting like crazy.

on top of all of that, i volunteer for a local organization that provides xmas for families in need. this takes up a few hours every evening. and mr. and i are still getting the house back together after being under construction since august. it has to be done before xmas, since my MIL comes to visit for a week!

i think it's good for me to be busy. it's allowing me to not have time to be sad about where i am right now, particularly as 2 of my best friends are due around the holidays. i am going through the motions of this cycle, although i've been good about eating healthy and exercising (but i'll have to stop exercising when i start stims). sometimes i wonder if it's a good thing that i'm not over thinking this cycle, or if i'm not putting enough energy into it. who knows...

i am really hoping i have many eggs, like last time. they lowered my dose slightly as they think i may have overstimmed a little last time. many of our embies didn't make it past 48 hours, but it was okay because we started out with so many (21 i think?) i am hoping i have about that many this time. for those of you who have gone through more than 1 IVF cycle, did you respond in about the same way each time?

friday

i had my post-op appointment today. i start lu.pron on FRIDAY!! woo hoo!

background in babies

i am a baby person. i am good with babies. i am knowledgeable about babies. people who have babies come to me with questions and for advice, even though i don't have any babies of my own yet. i have a degree in early child.hood edu.cation and i was an infant teacher in a daycare center. then i was a nanny for infant twins (until they were 2). i also am an infant massage instructor and used to hold "baby" classes to teach parents massage as well as discuss other baby related topics.

over the last year, i have slowly moved away from all things baby. i stopped holding babies, stopped teaching baby classes, etc. it just got to the point that holding and smelling and snuggling babies hurt. this past weekend, mr and i had to watch my friend's 5 month old over night. (she and her whole fam were at a wedding and wouldn't trust anyone else, so they got us a room there too to have us watch the baby)

it made me remember how much i love to be with babies. i loved watching him sleep and listening to his little grunts as i fed him, i loved the weight of him in my arms and the smiles and snuggles he gave out freely. i don't think mr had ever spent that much time with a baby, and certainly never had to get up with one over night. i think it surprised him how natural it was for me to take care of an infant and he's been extra nice and loving to me since.

this IF journey has sucked. i've dealt with dildo cams and injections and blood draws and IV's and retreival surgery and no alcohol and and met.formin and heartache and O.P.P (other people's pregnancies) on many occasions. but i'm doing it because i want a baby. i want to be sleep deprived and thrown up on. i want a little one to depend on me to keep them safe and fed and changed and happy.

and it will all be worth it.

update

i have been such a bad blogger lately. sorry about that. as i've mentioned before, we have been under construction, but my computer is back in it's comfortable spot near the couch :) and the rest of the house is slowly getting back in order too. phew! i am so excited to have our newly improved and newly organized house complete for the holidays. mr and i bought a new sofa for each other for xmas, so we are eagerly awaiting it's arrival.

so, November 11th was my Day 1. I had Day 3 labs done on Friday the 13th (and began BCP's) and i have my sonohystogram scheduled for Thursday afternoon. Once that is complete, the doc will apply to my insurance for approval for this next round of IVF. i am not anticipating an issue with that. i'll get my calendar in the next few weeks i am assuming and it's looking like my retrieval and transfer will be sometime mid to late December. i am trying to stay positive about this cycle, mostly because i can't bear to think through the what ifs if it doesn't work....

provera

on day 35, i finally called the doc to get some provera. i was starting to worry that if we didn't get this thing started, it would end up ruining our vacation at the beginning of january anyway after all the persuasion i had to use to get him to let me start. when i called, i spoke with a nurse i hadn't dealt with before. she was all,"oh, you have to wait 3 months, you can't have provera" i was like, "listen lady, it's already been approved. i have my BCP and my lab orders, give me the damn provera" after she spoke with the RE, she did indeed call in the provera. today is day 5 on that. which means, AF should arrive sometime towards the end of next week i think. i usually take a week or more to get it after provera.

so, just waiting for AF. then i need my day 3 labs and a sonohystogram. i'm starting to get a little nervous. i feel like i don't quite remember what i went through the first time. was it harder than i'm remembering? were my side effects worse than i remember? the only thing i do seem to remember is the pain and bloat after my retrieval, so this time i'll take 2 days off afterwards. and i seem to remember when it all ended, it was like emerging from a hormone fog. i am hoping that it will all come back to me, and having done it all once before will help me take it day by day and not get too stressed. and i am trying to keep up the hope.