flashback to a few years ago at my 10 year high school reunion... me and two of said close friends, we'll call them Julia and Alleni. we are all chatting about plans for our future. we talk about when we will start trying to have kids. (they were already married, i was getting married the next summer) neither of them are ready, but i know i will be trying right away after i get married. we talk and laugh about how much fun it would be if they tried at the same time and we could all be pregnant together and our kids will be the same age and wouldn't it be so great....
shortly after i start trying, they tell me they aren't trying, but they aren't trying not to. months go by and they start asking me when to try, what they are doing wrong. i give them a few tips and mention OPK's, but they "don't want it to be a science experiment." some more months go by and i start to guess that one of them is pregnant, Alleni, my best friend, finally tells me at 8 weeks. i am a little hurt she waited so long, since if i hadn't been going through all this infertility crap she would have told me after she peed on a stick, quite possibly before she told her husband for that matter. instead, she waited until she was about to see me and knew her family might slip and sent me an email.
over the weekend, Julia told me she's having a baby. she's due 2 weeks after Alleni. she just told me, at 13 weeks.
i feel sad. i feel left out. i feel hurt that because of my infertility neither of them told me right away. both of these friends are friends who would have normally told me right away. instead, especially with Julia, i mean 13 weeks!! come on!! she is already showing, everyone knows and i feel like she was purposefully avoiding me and keeping it from me. in the meantime, the two of them have been talking and sharing in their pregnancy bliss together. they are expecting babies within 2 weeks of each other. they have each known about the other since Alleni told me at 8 weeks.
i'm happy for my friends, i really am. i'm happy they don't have to go through what i am going through. but i also feel like, they aren't calling and hanging out and whatever because they don't know what to say, or how to be. i've always wanted to know what it was like to have a sister. i felt like being pregnant at the same time as one or both of these friends would have given me that sense. instead, they are sharing in it together and i'm still f*cking barren.
when is it my turn?