hormones

so i have now been on the provera for 3 days.  it's been fine.  the first day i had a headache and it makes me  a little sleepy, but i take it at night, so it doesn't matter.  this morning i woke up with a full feeling in my uterus.  hopefully aunt flo will arrive shortly after saturday when i take my last pill and we can being this crazy journey.  i'm looking forward to it and obviously hopeful, although i'm trying not to get too excited or hopeful.  it is only expectation that leads to disappointment, after all.

it's funny.  when mr. m and i decided we wanted to get pregnant, we got some books, we joked and teased and playfully had sex almost every day.  we layed in bed and talked about baby names.  we picked out a paint color to paint "the little room" (we still don't refer to it as the baby's room, just the little room, but we know what we want it to someday be)  we were so hopeful and happy.  the first few months i did everything right.  i cut out caffeine and alcohol and deli meat.  we waited and waited and peed on sticks.  aunt flo was late, so we got a little bit excited.  after a few months i would tell myself, "okay.  this month will be the one.  now i will appreciate it so much more after a few failed attempts." i would anxiously plead with god everytime i went to the bathroom that SHE wouldn't arrive.  

now, there is little baby talk.  everytime i mention a name i like, mr.m says, i don't want to talk about it until we are pregnant.  i think his heart broke a little with each period too.

i am glad my doctor is proactive.  i'm glad and thankful and relieved that we have a shot at a biological child and that our insurance will pay for it.  i am cautiously hopeful, but not making any plans.  i try not to even count the "if this, then when".  i'm trying to just go along for the ride and do the things i can to give it the best shot.....