Tuesday, June 23, 2009

last day to hope

i just got back from giving my blood for my beta.  i should hear back from the nurse between 1 and 5 today.

i am feeling bipolar today.  one minute i am about to cry, sure that this didn't work, the next minute, hope creeps in and i'm smiling.  mr. is still so hopeful.  since the transfer he has been saying, "you ARE pregnant until someone tells us otherwise."  i hope he's right.  and i hope he's not crushed later on today.  we agreed that no matter what the result, i will not call him today.  i'll pick him up from the train station and tell him tonight. he wanted me to let them leave a message on the machine and we'd listen to it together, but i didn't want to do that for a number of reasons.  first, i don't want to wait any longer than i have to! second, i kept imagining us standing next to the phone, feeling all anxious, only to have them to say "sorry, it didn't work." then we'd just feel pathetic. and lastly, i'm kind of a loner.  if i am not pregnant, i rather just spend the rest of the day being alone with my sadness, not talking to anyone.  if i am pregnant, i'll have some time to plan a way to tell him.

so that's that.  i'll update the news when i hear.


Liv said...

heaps and heaps and heaps of good luck for your beta results today!

Scrambled Egg said...

crossing fingers, crossing toes, crossing everything that can be crossed!!!!!

sunflowerchilde said...

Good luck, my fingers are crossed and I'm holding my breath!

A Few Good Sperm said...

Good luck!